The anniversary of my lockdown will be a year to the date on March 6th, about a week before the official decree went out for New Yorkers to shelter in place. I was still recovering from walking pneumonia at that time, which in hindsight has me wondering if it was really Covid-19 all along. Our precious mental real estate continues to be hijacked by this ongoing pandemic crisis putting mental health clinicians like myself in an emotional war zone of catastrophic, fatalistic, & paranoid thinking. It’s no wonder that we are experiencing symptoms of post traumatic stress. I find myself in a strange polarity of wanting to throw my phone in the ocean to cut off everyone’s access to me, while also craving more contact & connection from the people that I love.
Keeping it together everyday is HARD work.
So, how do we accept this reality without losing our SHIT? Or is there a way to safely do so?
There just might be.
Antiviral Humor
According to ego psychology, the mind is organized into layers of ego capacities & defenses. (Mitchell & Black, 2005, pg.25; pg.88) The former is a collection of skills that allows a person to be able to adapt to life & interact effectively with others. The latter is a spectrum of coping mechanisms that “protects” a person from potentially destructive impulses and emotions. The more mature the mechanism, the less disruptive it is to one’s functioning. Humor is considered one of the more mature ego defenses that our minds can employ to cope with psychological stress. Humor allows for one’s feelings to be put to words & the tension created by them to be released in an “acceptable” way. Finding humor in stressful and overwhelming situations can take the edge off without minimizing or dismissing what is actually happening. Below are a few examples of the use of antiviral humor to cope with “The Rona.”
“Why die when you can give Corona a try.”
Let’s face it. The reality we’re living through right now is pretty shitty. While the level of pain & suffering might differ from person to person, it is safe to say that we have all experienced some kind of loss or disruptive change during this time. A close friend who had struggled with suicidality for years joked that he didn’t have to worry about acting on his ideations anymore. “Why die when you can give Corona a try.” His “dark” joke would be jarring to most people; however, it helped him gain perspective on his mental health struggles. In accepting something as unpredictable & possibly life threatening as Covid-19, it made all those suicidal feelings & thoughts less threatening & accessible to his conscious mind.The more he joked about it, the more he turned his thinking toward the side of life.
Is This Us?
A young woman I have been treating started to conceive of her stressful family life as a “dark sitcom.” We acted out these exaggerated versions of her family members with their most triggering characteristics amplified in session. Her laughter at the absurdity of their behavior allowed her to turn down the emotional distress volume associated with quarantine life. The cast of characters in her everyday life has become an ongoing stand-up routine that will help her ride out this pandemic wave.
“Wrote A Song About It,” Calhoun Tubbs style
The circa 1990’s comedy sketch show, “In Living Color,” featured David Alan Grier’s recurring character of Calhoun Tubbs, a “blues singer” who busted out unsolicited songs that put a funny spin on the dark events he observed. I started to create my own versions in response to the news, milestones that could not be celebrated, the ugliness of humanity observed from my fire escape (and at times in front of my face,) & the traumatic experiences I was holding space for on an almost daily basis. I shared some of my songs with a close friend & fellow child of the 90’s who laughed with me until we both cried. The tears of laughter were followed by more cathartic tears that released the anger, hopelessness, frustration, fear, & helplessness that all of the above triggered within us.
Whatever your brand of humor may be, take a moment to think about all the things that have felt overwhelming to you during this very long year. Ask yourself if there is a way to find humor in any of these situations, no matter how small. A family friend found humor in receiving his neighbor’s weekly grocery delivery that he compared to a “messed up” basket on Chopped. He laughed with his wife about what meals the neighbor could possibly make with a box of Schlitz beer,Velveeta, Saltine crackers, & hot dogs. A daily dose of antiviral humor could be just what gets us all through the next phase of this pandemic.
Spread the laughter, not the Rona.
SOURCE Cited:
Mitchell, Stephen A. & Black, Margaret J. (2005). Freud And Beyond – A History of Modern Psychoanalytic Thought. Basic Books.
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