Fitness - Inside and Out, Illness and Conditions, Uncategorized

A Curated Life – Reality Testing Social Media

For the past few days preceding the new year 2019, many people were blowing up their social media profiles with collages of a year in review. Actually, let me correct that and say MOST people. This was especially the case on Instagram, although Facebook and Snapchat were no slouches. Let’s not also forget the iPhone’s penchant for sending unsolicited “Moments” to many users as the year wound down to its close. Some of those moments weren’t very “smart” while others were too much so. What people tend to forget is that all of these images and snapshots of life only represent a fraction of a life being lived. All these carefully curated lives are flooding our ability to reality test as we scroll, check, and comment. They have the power to trigger a range of negative emotions and automatic thinking of oneself that I would compare to self-torture. How do we override this or do we even want to?

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One of the major complaints a client shared with me was how accomplishments cannot be faked. When this client sees posts of college graduations, new homes, or weddings the negative self-appraisal switch gets activated. It’s easier for her to dismiss the filtered faces and Photo-shopped bodies because they are “obvious” in their fakery. Here begins the exploration of what is meaningful about these accomplishments using a form of reality testing known as The Socratic Method. For this client, graduation meant attaining higher education that will get someone a better salary and financial stability. This belief has three parts to it, one of which is TRUE. Graduating college is attaining a higher education in the form of whatever degree is earned – TRUTH; however the type of degree earned can reality test the other two parts. The person she saw in the graduation photo may have earned a degree in History with a minor in Art. Does that automatically set them up for a particular job? Will that job have a salary that is “better” than hers? Will that person have financial stability as a result of the job and salary that their degree garnered them? The belief obviously falls apart. The one part that is true is parsed from the distorted beliefs attached to it. This helped get my client thinking about her tendency to make assumptions and self-torture based on what she saw on social media.

Another client’s depression was triggered when his iPhone sent him a selection of images titled “Holiday Moments.” The images reminded him of the awful break up he experienced the previous Thanksgiving, and how his family had picked apart his life over the recent Christmas break. What he expressed about the images gave the impression that they were painful to look at, so much so that they caused him to have a depressive episode. Reflecting these feelings back to him padded the landing for the following challenge – if these photos are so painful, why would you want to keep them in your phone? This led to an exploration of what it would feel like to delete the photos and how he was holding himself back from dating due to self-blame for his relationship ending. He decided he wasn’t ready to delete the photos, but it got him thinking about his own self-torture i.e. using images to justify the “story” he tells himself that perpetuates and maintains his depression.

I looked at the collages of various friends and acquaintances throughout the Holidays, some of which I knew had a particularly challenging year. I found myself becoming annoyed and even angry at the discrepancies between their curated lives and the ones they were living in real time. Part of my reaction was rooted in the many hours I gave audience to their hurt feelings, struggles, and inability to take action to change their negative circumstances. I knew the truth and it angered me that they couldn’t own it. That being said, I also know how incredibly difficult it is to acknowledge the above and resist the urge to get a self-esteem boost outside of the situations that are bringing you down by “false advertising.” We have ALL been there and our brain chemistry facilitates this behavior. There is a region of the brain that floods with dopamine every time we experience something novel or receive a reward. It gets activated when we receive positive reinforcement for the images and moments of our lives we share on social media. It can quickly escalate from an occasional mood fixer to an almost addictive need to post and check for likes and complimentary comments. These behaviors don’t give us the same reward of feel good chemicals. If anything, they give us less unless we escalate our activities.

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The reality in the unreality of social media is that we humans are social creatures. We make meaning of our existence in relationship to others. Our self-judgment is part of the driving force behind curating our lives for the eyes of others. What happens when the careful selections don’t get us many likes or comments or worse, when they become the target of trolls and bullies? We become trapped in a negative feedback loop that maintains the dysfunctional cycle of seeking gratification for a life not lived as we would like it, but as we want others to perceive it. Before you post, think about the expectations you have of sharing the content. Whatever these are, they can serve as your personal barometer to test whether or not you’ve fallen prey to this cycle. A little less self-torture in 2019 is a great intention to set and more importantly, to SHARE.

Some recommended reading:

The New York Times: This Is Your Brain Off Facebook (article pub. 2/01/2019)

Planning on quitting the social platform? A major new study offers a glimpse of what unplugging might do for your life. (Spoiler: It’s not so bad.)

https://www.nytimes.com/2019/01/30/health/facebook-psychology-health.html

 

 

Integrative Medicine

The Socratic Road to mental health…

Socrates breaking it down in stone (Louvre, Paris)

Anyone close to me knows that although I do not claim to know everything, I hate being wrong. If a question is asked of me, I like to have the answer ready and on the tip of my tongue. When I saw a good friend of mine recently for lunch, he proclaimed to me how his life had forever changed thanks to the Socratic method. For those unfamiliar, the classic Socratic Method uses creative questioning to deconstruct and discard preexisting ideas, so that the respondent to these questions rethinks their original statement. The goal is to increase understanding through inquiry. Basically, if you think you knew something; you don’t. Socrates felt this to be a blessing because the person who thinks they know already, cannot think and therefore, cannot know.

My first experience with the method was in my Philosophy 111 class in freshman year of college. We began with Plato’s Symposium, which introduced the Socratic method within the context of a discussion between notable philosophers (Socrates among them) of that time in Greece. My understanding of the method was like that of a lawyer cross examining the witness to break down their testimony and expose the truth. It also reminded me of many a childhood argument with my father, who had a knack for taking whatever I felt strongly about and making it seem senseless.

Upon hearing my friend’s statement, I was intrigued to know the how and why of this change. Enter a form of psychotherapy known as Classical Adlerian. This form of therapy, developed by doctor and psychotherapist, Alfred Adler, influenced the latter approach of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy used today. It identifies the individual’s private life “plan” explaining its self-defeating, useless and predictable aspects, and encourages a shift of interest away from self-significance to self-responsibility and social-communal awareness. His therapeutic technique is broken down into 12 stages, all of which are heavily influenced by the Socratic Method. In the early stages, questions are asked of the client to gather information, clarify meaning and the feelings being expressed. Then, in the middle part, more penetrating, leading questions are asked to uncover the client’s personal logic, unconscious goals and hidden feelings. The social and personal implications of their feelings, thoughts and actions are explored, (both in short and long term consequence) and new options are generated through this use of the Socratic method. Everything divulged is reexamined and evaluated to help the client take steps in a different direction of their own choosing. In the latter stages of therapy, the Socratic method is used to evaluate the impact of the client’s new direction and to contemplate a new philosophy of life. The Socratic style places all the responsibility in the lap of the client. The role of the therapist is not that of a superior expert, but of a “co-thinker” helping the client arrive at a new way of living.  (SOURCE: http://www.adlerian.us/theoprac.htm)

Here’s an example of this method of questioning at work, Adlerian style:

Client: “My wife doesn’t love me. She never gives me what I want”

Therapist: “Is your idea of love only giving you what you want? What if what you want is not good for you. Should your wife then give you what is unhealthy for you? Is that really being loving of her?”

Client presents a list of symptoms that is keeping them from moving forward in life. Symptoms may serve as excuses for avoiding something that the client is not doing. The therapist asks the question: “If you did not have these symptoms, what would you do?” The client’s answer is often quite revealing about what he/she is avoiding.

Inspired by my friend’s proclamation, I sat down and wrote a list of personal “truths” which govern the way I conduct myself in life, both socially and personally. I found that my “truths” in written form felt like they no longer belonged to me, but had been written by someone else. I could examine and pick apart these words on paper with a lot less ego than say, if the ideas were still doing their turns in my head. This brings me back to my original statement: I do not claim to know everything, but I hate being wrong. I can imagine Socrates’ first question being, “What does it mean to know?” or “How do you define wrong vs. right?” Hours of self-examination may be ahead, but worth every neural pathway formed.

Additional SOURCE Information:

http://www.socraticmethod.net/