Integrative Medicine, Massage Techniques Explained, Uncategorized

The Shadowy Side to Energy Work

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It has always been difficult for me to reconcile how people with flawed characters can effectively do “God’s” work. Energy work from the shadows seems counter intuitive and a bit disarming to me.

I’ve done a lot of internal work in the past year to let go of my idealism when it comes to people’s intentions. My intuition has always hinted that something might be off, but I convince myself that all people who do energy work are truly “good,” come from God, and are of their word. This is where the “free will” aspect described in so many religious texts comes into play. We may be endowed with special gifts that can heal others; however, what we do with ourselves and those gifts is completely governed by our own free will. There’s a huge part of me that wants some kind of divine intervention to “out” all of this behavior to protect myself and others, but that doesn’t happen. As we become a little wiser about the intent behind the behavior or separate the mean girl/guy/person from the healer, we can understand that our humanity is a dichotomy. We all have a shadow side to balance the light. One may work with the light, but live their life within that shadow. One may use the light for both the greater good and the shadow side’s desire for ego feeding – fame, notoriety or control over a market or population. To understand human nature allows for the reconciliation of this dichotomy in the healing and energetic professions. These aren’t deities on earth. These are human beings, with all kinds of contradictory aspects to their character. If you can appreciate the work and arrest it from the flawed human, it will be received better in your being. We are all a piece of the collective energy that some call God, the universe, or the vortex. That’s what we can work with. Let the shadow stuff stay in the shadows.

c91b9edba7e6ad16c8cfd21d26ef4571And now for my soap box moment…

There is a hypocrisy in the judgment laden messages from some energy workers to anyone that doesn’t echo their Kool-Aid. If they aren’t being agreed with or validated, they will engage in what amounts to social bullying – publicly blocking, unfollowing, and promoting the shaming of their targets. One particularly disturbing form of shame is to assert that the target is aligning with toxic masculinity/patriarchy. It is a term that is loosely thrown around these days, but I am not sure if the implications of such an accusation are completely understood. It fills me with a foreboding sense of loss because it often happens between women. Women, especially healers, have been the targets of hate and abuse throughout history at the hands of religious leaders, governing bodies, and the patriarchy. It’s hard to reconcile how those who stand for female empowerment and rage against this history, also engage in it in a purposeful manner toward other women on these social platforms. I think everyone could benefit from a little psychoeducation, and a course in social and cultural competency to better understand how their shadowy behavior impacts the collective consciousness of our society. Until then, I’ll keep my head turned toward the light.

 

 

Fitness - Inside and Out, Uncategorized

Going Up to Bring You Down: Body Shaming in a NYC elevator

On one of the last truly hot and humid days in NYC, I decided to wear one of my favorite outfits – a black crepe halter dress with plunging neck and back lines. I love this dress not just for its fit, but also because it shows off the muscle tone of my upper back and chest. I feel strong, ethereal and sexy whenever I wear this dress. It’s one of those wardrobe staples every girl should possess. By the time I arrived at my destination, I was glazed in a dewy sweat sheen.

Going up to bring me down....body shaming in a NYC elevator.
Going up to bring ME down….body shaming in a NYC elevator.

I stepped into the elevator with a middle aged woman and three men, one of which held the door for me and offered to press my floor. I thanked him for his good manners. One by one, the men got off at their respective floors. When the elevator reached mine, it was just myself and the woman in the back. I noticed she had a cane and was leaning into the wall staring at the floors lighting up overhead. As the doors opened, I picked up the hem of my dress and started to step out. What I heard next shocked me. “Wear a bra!!” she angrily blurted out. It took me a second to process what she said. As I turned back around to confront this unprovoked insult, she pressed the button to close the elevator door in my face.

I was shaken and for the rest of my day, I tried to comprehend what had triggered this woman to body shame a complete stranger.  The universe’s attempts to make good on the event by showering me with random compliments about the dress or my body did nothing to take the edge off her insult. Its sting stayed with me long into my commute home in the evening. I looked at the sea of faces sitting across from me and wondered were these people also passing judgment on me? What is it that provokes us to shame each other?

I have written about the topic of bullying before in previous posts. Females choose a more social form of aggression as their preferred method of taking others down a few notches. Body shaming is just one tactic. This form of relational bullying is usually rooted in deep issues of self esteem. It is used to maintain status, weed out competition, and provide a means of addressing fear and jealousy. Was this the reason for the middle aged woman’s verbal bomb? Targeting me because I presented a mirror to her of what she wasn’t and subsequently taking me down in order to alleviate her own insecurities? Then another thought hit me – if women like her are doing this to each other well into middle age, what hope do our little girls have of building a healthy self image and learning to be “girls’ girls?”

After a lot of thinking, I came to the conclusion that the best action I could take to counter the shame was to be that example. After all, I do consider myself a “girls’ girl.” I appreciate the beauty of other women and celebrate in their successes. I am able to be this way because I have worked through the self esteem issues of my youth and accept who I am at this time in my life. I complimented the dress of a woman standing next to me on the train, which made her smile for a good long minute after I told her. I held the elevator for another woman rushing to catch it, who breathlessly thanked me and then told me to have a wonderful day upon exiting. I helped a middle aged woman on the train remove a bracelet that was squeezing into her wrist and causing her major discomfort. She called me an angel and showered me with kisses and hugs. All these acts of random kindness left me feeling a more loving vibe that reverberated to those around me. Ironically, I saw the woman that had shamed me waiting for the elevators a couple of weeks later. I held the door for her as she entered. She said nothing to me. I couldn’t help but look at her, wondering if she recognized me. It was clear she didn’t. With her eyes fixated on the numbers lighting up above, I exited the elevator and this time, no comments followed me out.

Additional reading:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-long-reach-childhood/201109/bullying-in-the-female-world

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/women-who-hurt/201109/relational-aggression-and-the-job

 

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