The Hooks

“Today, I will be aware of the hooks that snag me into the care-taking acts that leave me feeling victimized. I will ignore the hints, looks, and words that hook me, and wait for the directness and honesty that, I, and others, deserve.

–Melody Beattie (The Language of Letting Go, 1990)

 

Many empathetic people are drawn to the healing professions because of our natural tendency to care for others. We spend our days holding space for their well being and laying hands on their aches and pains. Our minds tune in to their emotional states and for many, the release of negative emotions accompanies the physical work we are engaged in with them. At the end of the day, we are covered in an energetic film of their stuff. Long ago in the early days of my program, an instructor told us of the importance of creating an energetic boundary between ourselves and our patients or clients. He called it a cloud – nothing could penetrate it, so whatever came off of them during a session would stay locked in the cloud. He was honest in saying this would be easier said than done. Even today, at almost 8 years into my massage therapy practice, I still have moments where I’m not sure if what I’m feeling belongs to me or to the clients I saw that day.  Guess my cloud isn’t always on point.

What muddies the energetic waters even more is the expectation in our personal lives to be the bearers of the emotional burdens of others. How much space can you hold when you’re already at a deficit? When do you get to hold it for yourself? If you find that you’re sacrificing your own well-being for the sake of “showing up” for the people in your life, you have to do a serious self-inventory. There’s no faster way to burnout than being hooked from every angle. Many of these people are family, lovers, close friends and even colleagues. Some hook consciously and deliberately; others aren’t even aware of this automatic need to reach out to you to shoulder their load. Either way, when the hooks are cast, we always seem to bite.

                          A hook???? Of course, I’ll bite!                                     

Hooks come in many forms. They can be, as Beattie described, a look, a sigh, a word or an action that triggers us to feel responsible for helping them. With that responsibility comes the behavior that isn’t in our best interest. Beattie refers to it as codependency. Another way to think about it is when you care more about their issues than they do and do the work for them, no one wins. They “depend” on you, but offer nothing in return. In their minds eye, you are the one that will predictably show up and take on their troubles, so they won’t have to. Since when did you become  emotional waste management?

The best way to avoid getting hooked is to demand, as the quote states, honest and direct communication of one’s wants and needs. If you’re too tired to listen, say that you’re too tired to listen. Say exactly what you feel. If a loved one walks into a room, sighs deeply, then slumps into a chair, acknowledge it with your eyes, but not with words. They want you to ask them what is wrong. They want you to offer help. Let them ask for it directly. Then, you can check in with yourself and empathically decide whether you can do it or not.

Saying no with love is better than saying yes with guilt.

The passive aggressive hook is one of the worst guilt provoking mechanisms out there. It also has the power to conjure up feelings of anger, helplessness, shame, and inadequacy to name a few. It’s hard not to bite on it, but it can be done. Let’s say that loved one, after slumping into their chair, turns to you and says, “You know, I had a really bad day today, but you probably don’t care. (pause) Nevermind.”

Your response?

“Ok.”

To an empath, this may feel so counter intuitive, because we do care. We care A LOT. However, trust that this simple answer is preventing you from participating in a guessing game that will inevitably lead to the tidal wave of feelings described above. They may continue to bait you, especially if they cannot tell you directly what is wrong with them. Their attempts might end up conjuring up those feelings of guilt, shame, etc. for you anyway. Trust that they know you care, which is why they are doing this manipulative hooking.

Your response?

“Tell me what’s wrong.”

Do not ask, but calmly command them to tell you. They may not answer you, but the boundary has been drawn. If they want access to your care, they will have to be clear about what is going on with them and what they need from you. This involves some level of pause and mental regroup. For the ones who do it unconsciously, it sort of turns off the autopilot and gives them a chance to think about why they are baiting you. If the issue is small or comes from a place of uncertainty rather than a true need for help, it will give them the space to reflect and the opportunity to do their own waste management. For the ones that do it deliberately, it provides a clear boundary – this hooking will not work anymore.

I don’t think I will ever be able to step out of the care taking role, nor do I want to, but my personal and professional lives could benefit from a little boundary building. Just last night, I was tested with a massive bait from a former patient. My body reacted with all the feelings of a nervous system peaked for attack with appropriate text responses at the ready. I did not use them. I chose not to respond. It was extremely hard to do that, but I was able to lay down that boundary even if the aftermath cost me some sleep.

My care for you is not limitless. It is not at the expense of my own well-being. Just as you demand I hold space for your troubles, I must make the same demand of myself. And in the totem pole of priorities, I am always at the top. I will win out every time. It’s the only way I will be of any good to myself and others.”

–me (2018)

 

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The Healing Decade

I started setting my intentions for 2018 last weekend.  Today’s blizzard and frigid conditions have made it possible to do a whole lot of reflecting on the events of years past, my growth from them and what obstacles still exist. I discovered something very interesting. The major shifts of my life have come in ten year bundles buffered by life altering events on either end. Rather than posting a year in review, I’m choosing to do more of a life in review starting with the significant event that set in motion all the things that have led me to where I am today.

The trauma decade (11-21 yrs)

At age eleven I had a serious car accident. My injuries confined me to a wheelchair and then required over a year of intense and painful PT to get me back on my feet, literally. All the activities that I engaged in prior to this accident which made me feel good within my body were now a source of intense fear and anxiety. I had serious psychological injuries that were never addressed. My self concept and my sense of independence were deeply affected by this accident. Complicating matters worse was a strict, authoritarian upbringing where verbal and corporal punishment were the status quo for relating to children and the wonderful world of puberty, where changes occurred outside of my control. I was a wounded child in a woman’s body with a mountain of responsibility and guilt placed on me for pretty much everything that was going wrong. The depression, post traumatic stress, anxiety and negative self concept all set the stage for my budding eating disorder, which manifested into full blown Anorexia at age 21.

The transformation decade (21-31 yrs)

Anorexia wreaked havoc on my body and mind in the first part of this decade, but my inner resilience helped me to pursue my childhood dream of singing and performing. Yes, I definitely had a very warped end goal when it came to music making. I needed heaps of external validation to feel “okay” with myself, so any drunk heckling from an audience member would upset me to the point where I couldn’t finish a song. I also modeled because I needed that attention to reassure myself that I was desirable and lovable. Of course, those two things do not go hand in hand. When I sought treatment, the onion began to unfold. I was forced to face a lot of vulnerability and insecurity. It was terrifying. I didn’t have any coping skills. My eating disorder and all this hyper-focus on my appearance and sexuality were the ways I dealt or didn’t with my issues. I turned the dial way down on all of that. I started to examine the reasons behind a lot of the things I was doing. I wasn’t ready to quit it all cold turkey, but a transformation was occurring. During this time, I entered into a serious six year relationship with a man whose personality pushed buttons of change for me. Coinciding with this was my Saturn Return. Even if you’re not a believer of astrology, many of us undergo a major reevaluation of priorities and cognitive growth between the ages of 28-31. This is proven by behavioral neuroscience. At age 31, I was successfully in remission from Anorexia and newly licensed in my chosen profession of massage therapy. I felt optimistic, but I had only cracked the surface. The floodgates were about to spew.

The healing decade (31 yrs and counting)

When a train is approaching a station you feel it initially as a tiny flutter of air that gets progressively stronger until it practically knocks you over when the thing emerges from the tunnel. That’s exactly how this decade has been thus far. At age 31, something shifted for me – the flutter of air. My sister gave birth to her first child and holding him triggered a desire for family that overwhelmed me. Everything that I felt comfortable and complacent with needed to go and believe me, it WENT. The great purge gained momentum as the years progressed. This last year and a half, I experienced a mass exit of relationships that no longer served me and the pulling out of the many energetic hooks placed into me by the people I had chosen to give my time and my heart to. Despite all the loss and the ache I feel in many parts of my being, I have never felt lighter and more myself. It’s amazing how clear your intuition and wisdom become when you aren’t burdened by other people’s stuff. My graduate program has given me a lot of perspective on how I perpetuated and maintained some of the situations that plagued me in the first half of this decade. My inner circle consists of some really incredible, intelligent and supportive people who are doing the work on their end and who I admire greatly. The best advice I got this year came from an article a “soul” friend shared with me about reclaiming my power. I get to control who gets access to me. I can and will heal through all this loss and painful adjustment because I have reclaimed that energy for myself. I am surrounded by the best cheerleaders. These people show up. They reciprocate. They care. One of my intentions for this year is to continue to allow them to take care of me, even when I don’t always know how to ask. This vulnerability is a strength that will set the stage for the type of partnership I want for life; the pivotal event I know is coming.

In the meantime, I will keep my gaze on “the bandaged place” as the Sufi poet Rumi so eloquently put it because through that wounded place “the light” will enter me. Amen.

 

 

 

 

Show them what you’re worth

A familiar image to New Yorkers – the fearless, hard working, mostly immigrant lot that helped build up the city skyline we are famous for…

 

In my family, your sense of worth comes from how hard you work. It doesn’t matter if there is little to no material pay off for this work. Your blood, sweat and tears are enough of a status symbol to make the neighbors unable to call you the worst of insults – useless! This work ethic has been passed down through four traceable generations. It’s very much alive in me and that air of purpose shows society that I’m grabbing life by its horns or its balls, depending on the situation. No family lore ever spoke of burnout, though.

I’ve mentioned this topic in another post “The Magic Number” where I discussed how too many massages with little self care leads to the need to set a professional limit in order to avoid burnout. Professional burnout is common in any career that involves caring for others. Our nurturing energy can literally be sucked dry if we don’t set up the proper boundaries and limits on “selflessness.” In extreme cases, injury and illness befall the individual who is worn thin. More common features of burnout are irritability, resentment toward those you are giving care to, impatience and clock watching. This last term is one the awful markers of burnout in massage. This is when a therapist counts down the minutes til the massage they are performing is over. I admit there have been a handful of massages where I dug deep in my psyche to get through it because every minute felt like an hour; however if I felt like that with every client and therapeutic situation, I would be in trouble.

The other evening, I chatted with two colleagues who have been licensed Massage Therapists now for almost a decade. We were discussing our “worth” within the corporate spa setting and one of them made a telling exclamation. Every three years, she is garnering new skills that she brings to the table outside of her hands on experience and spending hundreds if not thousands of dollars to acquire these skills and keep her license current. She lamented with an ironic laugh how she is getting better in every sense of the word, but has less to show for it each year. In fact, her commission rate straight out of school was 7% higher than it is currently at the ten year mark.

Her lament peaked my curiosity as to what salaries/commissions are like in other corporate owned spa settings. I wanted a comparison. Perhaps it was only this particular spa chain that so profoundly undercut its “talent.” What I learned was pretty disheartening. Granted, my research reflected the New York market; however, we have one of the most arduous and strictest licensing processes in all the country. If anyone deserves a proper salary for their training, it’s New York State licensed massage therapists. So, does the corporate spa setting undervalue therapists? YES!!!

The caregiver in need of care…

 

Before faces lengthen and spirits become disillusioned, it’s important to understand that there are many other options and specializations for a massage therapist. Your worth isn’t determined by one particular spa chain or corporate pay structure. In fact, you can set a rate per massage for your private practice that reflects the skills, continuing education and experience you have amassed. Also, many medical settings, like chiropractic, physical therapy and rehabilitation have a need for capable, experienced therapists to support their patients’ treatments. These places will pay sometimes fixed salaries and sometimes per documented massage hour regardless of how many patients you see in a day. The reality that newly minted and seasoned veteran massage therapist have to come to terms with is that you won’t be able to put all your eggs in one basket. Having two or three part time positions in addition to private clientele may be the only way to make a decent living and this reality could/can lead to burnout. Perhaps then this profession is something you can’t do for the long haul. This is what I have started to realize. This is why I made the decision to return to school and pursue a parallel, but different therapeutic career. Perhaps my colleague should do the same. Harkening back to my family’s legacy, I find that there isn’t any sense in showing the world how much of a hard worker I am when I may end up breaking both my back and my spirit in my effort. It’s time to rewrite the story and choose the gentler path for once; one that eventually will pay off and show the most important person of all, MYSELF, what I’m worth!

 

 

Light Therapy: Baking the pain away

Let the sun’s rays bake my pain away…

I am FINALLY on vacation after a long, hard year of doing what a New Yorker does best – hustling! Gratuitous amounts of massage meant that business has been very good, but inevitably that overwork had its downside a.k.a tendonitis. My workouts helped me push through and past my ¨magic number¨ of massages per day, but with all that repetative movement it was inevitable that I would develop an overuse injury. Nevertheless, in the weeks that led up to my Mediterranean vacay, I had been laying out in the sun every morning before work to both settle my mind and develop a ¨starter¨ tan. The added bonus was the heat of the sun hitting directly onto my upper back and shoulders really dissipated a lot of the pain and tension I felt from the previous day´s physical demands. Unbeknownst to me this heliotherapy I was giving myself is actually a therapeutic technique dating back to antiquity. A number of ancient cultures had an idea of the healing properties of light. Hippocrates, the father of modern medicine, prescribed sitting in the sun to heal a variety of illnesses. Herodotus, the ancient Greek historian, preached that the sun could help heal nerves and muscles. Many ancient Greeks built roofless buildings for the purpose of exposing themselves to the sun´s rays. Outside of ancient Greece, the Egyptians took it a step further and practiced bathing themselves in various colored light to cure diseases. Thousands of miles away in India, medical texts dating back to 1,500 BC also note the healing properties of light for skin disorders. Go even further to China and their medical texts from over 2000 years ago detail a range of color and light therapies for skin and mental illness.

A woman receiving light from a modern light therapy i.e. phototherapy box

So, seeing that the ancients had an inkling of what the sun could do for one´s health, modern medicine didn´t get the memo until the early 19th century, where Niels Ryberg Finsen, a Danish doctor of Icelandic decent, studied the medicinal affects of light rays. His impetus was the severe metabolic disease he suffered from whose symptoms  he experimented with sunbathing to relieve. He died a year after winning the Nobel for a phototherapeutic device he created that simulated sun light to treat several skin conditions. Thirty years later, scientists realized a lack of Vitamin D produced in the body by exposure to sunlight, was the main cause of a disease known as ¨Rickets¨ which leads to the weakening and softening of bones. Twenty years after that, researchers in Hungary used soft laser light to relieve arthritis pain. In later years, NASA scientists did a plethora of research on the manner that LED light affects plant biology in an effort to understand how to grow plants in space. What they found was a very small spectrum of light provided most of the energy needed to grow plants. From this research, more strides were made in the understanding of the healing properties of light within animal and human cells. Currently, two forms of phototherapy exist; Non targeted light therapy that comes from a box, like in the image of the woman above and targeted light therapy, which is administered by a laser. These forms are used with much success in the treatment of such skin disorders as psoriasis, non-severe acne, vitiligo, eczema, atopic dermatitis, polymorphous light eruption and lichen planus. They have also been effective at treating mood and sleep disorders like SAD (seasonal affective disorder), non seasonal depression and circadian rhythm disorders like delayed sleep phase disorder. Further medical research is being done with light therapy to address accelerated wound healing and pain management, which brings me back to my tendonitis. My experimentation with light therapy from its natural source (the sun) elicited the following note. On the days that I did not lay out because weather did not permit me to, I found that the pain and weakness in my anterior shoulder and neck would become mildly worse and last the full work day. The days that I did get about 45 mins of sun exposure, it felt more like a dull ache and only after doing 6 hours of massage at the end of my day. It is clear to me that the sun does heal. In the two weeks I will be bathing in its Mediterranean glory, my hope is to eradicate most of the pain and heal those weary tendons. I am looking forward to the day when the medical community finally approves its use for pain management. We need more natural and ancient approved manners to heal our bodies and minds.

Bringing Balance One Adjustment At A Time

Outside of spa work and my private clientele, I also provide massage at a Wellness Center in midtown. This little den of health offers chiropractic care, massage therapy, holistic health & nutritional counseling and postural exercise. The approach is corrective and the result is a stronger, pain free and more erect version of your former self.  In order to understand fully what the corrective approach entails, one must first comprehend what chiropractic care is. Many people hear the term Chiropractor and immediately shudder. Images of having one’s head placed at odd angles for the “cracking” of bones turns the fear-o-meter up high. Worse yet, is the notion of chiropractor as being a fake doctor, sadly due to the gads of crooks that run insurance scams and give the profession its bad rep. I recall being eleven years old and walking past this man in the street with a little skeleton propped on a table advertising a Chiropractor’s office. Five years later, when my mother had a car accident and was advised to get chiropractic adjustment for her case, into that same office we went. During each visit the doctor did the same thing to her back and neck , which left my mother feeling much better than she went in. However, within a few days, the pain and stiffness would return. When she had brought this up to the chiropractor, he told her that she would need chiropractic adjustment for the rest of her life if she wanted to remain pain free. This sounded unfathomable to my mother and once her case was settled out of court, she stopped going.

What that chiropractor told my mother would only be true IF the approach was not corrective. His care consisted of giving people quick fixes for their pain, so they would keep coming back. This is no different than popping a pill. It is not dealing with the root issue(s). The body is comprised of superficial and deep layers of muscle all covered by connective tissue. When a joint is misaligned, say in the vertebrae of your back for example, then the muscles surrounding that joint try to stabilize it and protect its position, even if it causes them to function improperly. They are like the dutiful bodyguards of a volatile criminal – the more they support his activities, the more they plunge themselves toward certain destruction. I know I am making a rather “dramatic” analogy here; however, this is serious stuff. No one should be okay with being in chronic pain and having limitations in their mobility and life activities. When the joint is adjusted which is basically giving it a little help to go back into its proper position, not “cracking” as we all like to refer to it, the muscles can let go. Depending on the individual’s condition, the muscles might have a hard time settling into their new normal, which is why massage pre and post adjustment really helps to flood them with the nutrients and support they need to move in their proper way. Take a look at the videos below where both doctors explain the corrective approach and especially the client testimonials, some of which were in dire physical straits when they first came in.

and client testimonial

I’m really lucky to be able to work with this group of medical professionals and it has taught me so much about a comprehensive approach. We all work as a team, consulting one another to find the best way to bring a client/patient’s body back into balance. If you are within the NYC limits and dealing with chronic pain resulting from an injury, lifestyle or some unknown factor, definitely make it a priority to visit the office, where you will get a complimentary spinal screening, along with adjustment and report of findings to let you know what is going on underneath those layers and what your treatment options could be. Everything in its proper place, starting from the inside out.

BIBC team candid Jan 2014
Our little wellness family 🙂

The Magic Number

What’s your magic number?

How many massages can you do in a day?

This is a popular question posited to me by many a new and regular client. You can never be fully honest for obvious reasons. You don’t want to seem tired and overworked, even if you are, because now the client is thinking they will get a shitty massage or feel guilty that they are number (insert double digit) of the day. If I am in the spa setting, I usually make a joke and say that I am “strong like bull” in a mock Eastern European accent and tell them not to worry. If I am in a clinical setting, I distract them back to the matter at hand – their condition, thus dismissing the question altogether. If they bring it up again, I then tell them these clinical massages are shorter and more focused, so don’t worry about me. Let’s focus on you!

The only thing a client should be focused on…

Truthfully, there is a magic number of massages a therapist can perform consecutively before burn out happens. Of course, this number is different for all of us. I weight train and exercise at least three times a week; therefore I am “strong like bull.” Despite this strength and stamina, I know that if I do 5.5 hours of consecutive massage, I am at my body’s limit for the day. I learned this from the rare times I had done 7 or even 8 hours of consecutive massages. The next day, I could barely make my hands into fists coupled with the ache in my forearms and shoulders. Now, for those of you who may say, “You work a 6 hour shift? That’s so part time.” Let me take a moment here and define what consecutive means in this context. These massages are occurring literally back to back. Once the one client is off the table, there are between 5 to 7 minutes to get the room changed over, grab a sip of water, then run to get the next guest without looking like you ran to get them. This is usually what happens in a spa setting, as the booking is done to maximize profitability; not to consider the physical demands made on the therapist. So, you see how 5.5 hours of continuous physical work plus the added cardio of running up and down stairs for guest pick up, drop off and supplies is enough of a full work day for me. You cannot compare it to a 9-5 p.m. desk job, which exhausts many in a different manner (i.e. from holding their bodies in poor sedentary posture and mentally focusing on a screen with few breaks).

Burnout of a different kind…

I recall working an event where another therapist boasted at the amount of clients they could take on in a day. Observing their body mechanics, I assessed that within a few years this therapist would surely burn out. Chronic Tendonitis is a common occurrence in any profession that requires repetitive movements over long periods of time. Taking breaks to stretch, hydrate and regroup mentally and physically allow this career to last beyond the statistical death knell of 3-5 years. I’m not ashamed or scared to say NO when asked to go above and beyond my limit at this 3 year mark of my professional career. After all, I want to be able to straddle both physical worlds – the demands of my fitness regimen with those of my profession. I feel blessed that I know what my magic number feels like, as it makes me a better practitioner for my current and future clients. As for the rest of my fellow LMT’s, may yours pop up sooner than later.

Over Exposed

Do you see anything you shouldn’t be because I don’t?

A million moons ago, I remember laying on the table in my massage school’s practice room waiting for my student partner to work me over for the sake of learning. Before any hands on techniques were ever taught, our instructors put massive emphasis on how to properly drape a client. I remember it was sweltering hot down there in that basement room and I asked my partner to leave whichever areas he had finished massaging uncovered. As he migrated to the backs of my legs, I heard this woman’s voice say, “Do I really need to see her tattoos?” About a minute or two later, I heard the teacher who was proctoring our sessions come over and say to my partner that he was exposing too much of me. “Keep the body parts you are not working on covered at all times.” Cringe! He made it sound like I was being dissected on a lab table. I popped my head up and said that I wanted to cool down since the room was too hot and that I didn’t feel in the least over-exposed. In a firm voice he said, “This is New York State Law, young lady” and walked away. The girl who made the comment about my tattoos was shaking her head at my partner adding, “You guys have to be careful.” Really?

This experience poses a conflicting scenario between what “THE LAW” says and communicating client comfort properly as a therapist in a professional setting. Let us dissect draping methods here: Some spas provide their clients towels to be used as a drape sheet. In some European styled facilities, you are handed a washcloth sized square to cover your pubic area and gluteal cleft (anatomical language for one’s butt crack) while the therapist works on you. An equally small cloth is used to cover the chest when laying face up. And if you want to get even less coverage, try the spas that provide just disposable underwear and bra. Our prudish classmate might have popped a gasket if she knew just how little coverage is actually mandated by the law. Still, in order to cover themselves (pun intentional) from potential law suits etc. many spa chains have disclaimers on their sign in sheets that note what our instructor admonished us to do. All parts not being worked on with any variation of said massage techniques (insert list here) will be covered. No genitals and no breasts. Should the client become uncomfortable at any time they have the right to tell their therapist and end the session.

How about that for coverage?

I supposed being a child of European parents has allowed me to be very comfortable with the nude form in a non-sexual manner. Here in the States though, with its Puritanical hypocrisy, everything becomes sexualized. I have seen commercials in Greece for bath soap that featured a fully nude mother bathing her child in a tub, while the father stands by with a towel to dry them both off. A beautiful family moment, au-naturale. This would NEVER AIR in the U.S. and yet other programming featuring pretty overt sexual and borderline sado-masochistic action does. It doesn’t take a psychology degree to know the message being plugged into people’s consciousness.

With that thought in mind, let us return now to the matter of draping per the LAW. I have had clients with major body issues, in the sense that there was a definite discomfort in uncovering ANY part of their anatomy. As an intuitive person and a professional, I addressed their issue immediately to prevent any blurred communication or innuendo. In one case, a young woman kept tucking her hands under her pelvis, which made accessing her arms impossible without having to reach underneath her into the groin region. Without hesitation, I gently told her what I wanted to do and asked if the position she put her hands in was a matter of comfort or otherwise. She sighed deeply and apologized, admitting that she was molested as a child and this face down position was bringing back memories. We decided together to do the massage face up and I let her know that any feeling she experienced was safe and okay in this context. I draped her very securely, folding the sheet into origami like patterns to ensure she felt covered at all times. By the end of the massage, she was almost asleep, which demonstrated to me how trust had been established. Imagine though that I proceeded massaging her without saying anything at all. With such a damaged relationship with touch, can you imagine what this poor young woman might have misconstrued as sexual? I believe this is the reason why many straight male therapists get into trouble with female clients. They are doing their “routine” without picking up on the body language that would let them know the client is not okay.

I have also had a client with hyperthyroidism, who begged me to un-drape him as much as possible due to his elevated body temperature. Even with a hand towel covering his pelvic region, he was still profusely sweating. The thing is, he never wrote this on his intake form. When I led him to the room he immediately blurted that he didn’t like to be covered with anything. Usually, this sets off my pervert flags. After explaining that certain regions of the body need to be covered per the LAW and the facility’s policy, he insisted that covering him up would make him sick. I had to pry it out of him, but he finally told me his condition and we proceeded in the manner I described above. Without this communication, I could have easily felt violated and threatened by this client’s desire to over expose himself.

Ultimately, we all have a baseline of how much or how little we are comfortable uncovering. However, as a licensed professional in an industry that is often joked about or targeted in a sexual manner, it is up to me to bridge the gap between what state of undress puts them at ease and what keeps me licensed and gainfully employed.

**A funny addendum here: Many male clients think they are being helpful when they spread their legs to allow for us therapists to tuck the sheet down properly for draping; however, what they don’t realize is they inevitably flash us their testicles. Every single time. Without fail. Dear future male client: Please just lay there as un-helpful as possible and leave the tucking to the professionals.